Everyone Makes the Following Big Mistake in Their Life

What’s your biggest mistake in life? Can’t tell? I know mine very well. My biggest mistake was to think that I was my entire being that I’m everything I’m.

I assumed I was the feet that carried me to places, that I was my hands, my body, my thoughts, my brain, its folly as well as its potential. I assumed I was all these things, but I see now how little I am, perhaps am all that I can do, or just a piece of information in my mind, and if so, the fact that I had conceived of myself so poorly is traumatizing, to say the least.

Where do I start?

For six years, I was very dumb. I spent most of my time reading news articles, and on Youtube and Facebook. At the end of the day, I would go out and have a few drinks. This drove me mad because I couldn’t help it. At first, I thought it was great because reading news articles from Thailand to Samoa satisfied by curiosity and the Facebook feeds from the science and technology pages I follow meant that I knew about most breakthroughs, technologies, and inventions.

I was informed. I was smart. I knew things. At least that’s how I saw it, but while I was reading about other people’s work, nothing was happening in my life. I hated myself for that because smart people get things done, but as I have come to learn, self-hate was the greater mistake. I made the wrong assumption and concluded that the addicted parts of my brain were ‘me’, yet they are just parts responding to constant stimuli the way they are supposed to. There was nothing wrong with that part of me, for lack of a better word.

You are also guilty of doing this. At some point, you have extended the dimensions of yourself. Perhaps you think the past defines you, or your current state dictates who are, or that you are undeserving. The point is, we all have a tendency to think we are the parts that make us. And because we do this, we feel guilty, hopeless, defeated, and so on.

I’m here to tell you that you shouldn’t.

Another terrible thing that I had during this time was pride. I thought that compared to many people, I was somehow better. And where does pride come from? It comes from thinking that you and your endowments are the same things.

At some point, I must have come to accept that I was my brain and had the right to brag about things it can do while I, — the me writing this article — is only a strand of thought arising from the processes that comprise the human mind. I thought I was my witty comments, I was the fun I could bring to a table, and the things people said about me behind my back. I also thought that I was my good health and that my youthfulness was mine to do with whatever I wanted.

But I also thought I was my shyness, my awkwardness, my mistakes, my wins, and my other good graces. Because I thought I was something other than I am, I could fear speaking in public, for instance, and I could avoid trying where I should have. I could avoid loving another as she deserved.

The end result is that I led a life without real substance because my definitions were all wrong. After all, when you think that you and your awkwardness are the same thing, you start to hide where you shouldn’t. And when you think you are what other people say about you, you start to live their definitions of you.

The goal of the me writing this article is to come to terms with who I really am. It matters because when all is said and done — when death knocks at the door — , what we leave behind is our legacy. Basically, the ways we have altered the world.

That’s why I’m convinced that I’m not the things that comprise me, and neither are you. You are your actions. That’s how little or great you are.

Where to start?

After my epiphany, I had to reorganize my life in a way that was heavily biased towards action. Two concepts were really helpful: the circle of influence and the circle of competence.

The circle of influence

The circle of influence refers to the things that you can actually do. Can you stop the Israeli-Palestinian conflict? Probably not. Many more powerful people, including presidents, have tried and failed. The point is, be wise on how you spend your emotional energy because emotions are what drives action, but if you spend your emotions on things you cannot even raise a finger against, you are losing on things you can actually do.

Think about it.

The only way to tackle problems like the issue above is to grow your circle of influence slowly, and it starts by recognizing how small it is to begin with.

Create a catalogue of the things that you can do and grow that list purposefully. Who knows, you might become someone capable of solving climate change or ending global conflicts. But it all starts by ending all delusions about your level of influence.

Your circle of influence is not so big that you have to be concerned about everything.

The circle of competence

“Know your circle of competence, and stick within it. The size of that circle is not very important; knowing its boundaries, however, is vital.” — Warren Buffet

I first heard about the circle of competence from Warren Buffet. He says that each of us, through experience, or study has acquired skills and knowledge in specific areas. An accountant’s circle of competency is accountancy, a pilot’s is piloting, and so on. By being very clear on what you can do well, you will avoid overextending yourself and become more focused.

Another thing.

You can’t grow your circle of competence without knowing where the boundaries lie. As Warren says, knowing the boundaries is vital.

I started this article by acknowledging that I made a terrible mistake in my younger years. At first, I was raging, inconsolable really, but there is a trick we can all learn: that forgiveness comes from understanding you are not the parts, the influences, the mistakes… You are greater than that.

Unlike your mistakes, you can do something. You can change.